Joe Rogan

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Joe Rogan and Greg talk doing comedy on the road, Greg getting into cage-fighting shape,the next stage of podcasting, and the future of information.

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Fitzdog Radio LIVE photos

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Where Everybody Knows Your Name

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Recently I’ve seen Starbucks counter people greeting regular customers by their names.   This is a nice thought, although not very difficult since they’re already writing everyone’s names on their cups like we’re in pre-school.  But it is so obviously being encouraged by the corporate office to instill a ‘local flavor’ in the store.  The more you feel like this is a home away from home, and a caring loving sanctuary, the less you’ll notice that you are paying about seven times what you should be for a cup of coffee.

Maybe if they want the stores to seem more original, they should avoid having the same two characters behind the counter of every single Starbucks in the country.  It’s always the Gay Asian Guy with the nose ring and his best friend- The Sad Girl.  I once saw The Sad Girl at the milk steamer get blasted in the shirt with boiling foam.  She ripped her shirt off forgetting she had no bra on.  She then ran in the back screaming and the Gay Asian guy just looked at me and said, “That’ll be an extra two bucks”.

In L.A. a Starbucks is not a coffee shop; it is a Posers Lounge for the Vocationally Challenged.  Half the tables are filled with out of work screenwriters staring at hopelessly blank screens.  The other tables double as office space for startup money managers and insurance salesmen who need a place to meet with clients.  The screenwriters give the brokers dirty looks for being loud in their creative sanctuary.  But they light up when a new customer comes in.  You can feel the writers’ eyes on you as you enter.  Searching you for that spark that could inform a character in a script.  Something that will turn this 12-year career slump around so they can finally go home to Minneapolis for Christmas and tell the family, “I sold something Momma!  Your son is a winner!  Come on, I’m taking you all out to Starbucks for a Gingerbread Latte!  Venti!!”

Last week at the Starbucks on Wilshire in Santa Monica, I saw a homeless man shuffle in wearing a Comic Relief sweatshirt.  If any of the screenwriters had been searching for irony, he was lurking over by the “coffee fixins” station.  As the man began pumping whole milk into an empty cup he’d retrieved from the trash, the Gay Asian Guy swiftly threw the cup in the trash and hissed at the intruder, “Gary, you need to leave right now”.  Gary mumbled and retreated back to his shopping cart.  As he squeaked away I looked inside and saw something teetering on the edge of the cart between a rolled up blanket and a stack of newspapers.  I realized instantly how the Gay Asian Guy knew his name.  Splattered with coffee stains, the letters faded from years of pounding, sat a typewriter.  Old now.  Useless.  Trash.


LIVE with Chris Hardwick

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Chris Hardwick joins Greg live from the Nerdist Theater to discuss being real life heroes, the John Travolta allegations, the road comic/alternative comic schism, and play some games with the audience.

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Listen now — Click HERE for the direct link to the mp3 of this episode, or do yourself a favor and click HERE to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and get it automatically from now on. Do us a favor and leave a nice review and rating on iTunes while you’re there, it helps us a TON.


Marc Maron

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Marc Maron joins Greg to discuss getting old and angry, the impact of podcasting on Marc’s career, Louis CK, hipsters and tweets.

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Listen now — Click HERE for the direct link to the mp3 of this episode, or do yourself a favor and click HERE to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and get it automatically from now on. Do us a favor and leave a nice review and rating on iTunes while you’re there, it helps us a TON.


Some Tips on Circumcision

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My son is not circumcised.  Shortly before he was born the A.M.A. announced they were no longer recommending the procedure.  This has not influenced many parents who continue slicing a small piece of penis off their baby boys for no other reason than, “It’s a tradition in our culture”.  Well, we used to sacrifice virgins too, but we stopped doing that.  After all, once you kill the virgins, all you have left are the whores.

Another rationale you hear is, “His penis should look like his father’s”.  That doesn’t even make sense.  That is admitting that you believe in genital plastic surgery so your kid’s dick looks like Dads.  Why?  I don’t think I ever saw my father’s penis.  Not flaccid, anyway.  (Different Blog).

“But the other boys will tease him if he looks different!”  Yes.  But he can tease them right back for staring at another guy’s junk.  “Fag” is a very powerful comeback for a 9 year old.

A waitress I met in Cleveland said I’d made a big mistake.  She told me she’d been with a guy once who wasn’t ‘regular’ and it was like (and I quote) “Ewww”.  I’m kind of hoping that Skank Bags like her are not part of my son’s future.  The kind of women who will be mad at me for not mutilating my son’s genitals for their sucking pleasure.

And that is what it is, plain and simple, Genital Mutilation.   There are dozen’s of Human Right’s Groups around the world who rightfully campaign to stop that from happening to girls in Africa, but right here it is dismissed as just the way things are done.  Would you slice off a piece of Vagina?  It is sick to even think about.  Of course you wouldn’t, because it is wrong.  I mean, shave off the hair definitely; that stuff is nasty.  But leave the poor vagina alone.

If you are going to chop something off your son, chop off an earlobe.  He’ll look like a badass when he gets older and it’ll give him some character.  And if the other kids are making fun of him because he is different, he can just say, “I lost my earlobe in a knife fight with a Doctor who was trying to hack my schlong.  I see you’ve got your whole ear, so I guess he got yours.”


Pete Holmes

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Pete Holmes talks with Greg about podcasting, philosophy, and pornography. Check out his podcast “You Made It Weird” from the Nerdist, and peteholmes.com for more.

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Listen now — Click HERE for the direct link to the mp3 of this episode, or do yourself a favor and click HERE to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and get it automatically from now on. Do us a favor and leave a nice review and rating on iTunes while you’re there, it helps us a TON.


John Henson

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John Henson joins Greg to talk youthful rebellion and narrowly avoiding death, bad effects of food in ones system, and play a round of Overheards.
Follow John on Twitter @John_Henson

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Listen now — Click HERE for the direct link to the mp3 of this episode, or do yourself a favor and click HERE to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and get it automatically from now on. Do us a favor and leave a nice review and rating on iTunes while you’re there, it helps us a TON.


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