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Flying back from Ohio this past fall I’m standing behind an Old Lady in the security line. As her one carry-on bag disappears into the X-Ray Machine, an alarm goes off and Airport Security jumps into action. You have to watch the old ones; they have less to live for.

Her bag, now unzipped, reveals a furry white cat. The x-ray machine clearly states that it will damage your film, but I guess she thinks it will be fine for the live animal. Then I think, maybe the cat is sick; the old lady can’t afford radiation treatments & now she takes him to the airport a few times a week for a blast.

I’m wearing an Ohio State University sweatshirt. It was given to me after my show the night before, and as I trudge towards my gate a guy walks past me and says, “Go Bucks.” As a non- sports fan I have no idea what he is talking about. Three or four more knuckleheads bark this at me before I snap and say, “What the hell are you talking about?” Turns out The Ohio State Buckeyes are the #1 College Football team in the country at that time. I go from annoyed to kind of happy that I am being associated with champions. It doesn’t bother me that people are only cheering for a garment I am wearing, or that I know absolutely nothing about college football. I am being treated like a winner, and I don’t get that a lot. I start screaming back, “Go Bucks!”

Most things you wear don’t solicit big reactions from people. Nobody walks past a woman with a cross around her neck and says, “Go Christ”. I’ve never seen a girl in a Hooters T-shirt and screamed, “Go Titties!” I spotted a 20-year-old dude sitting at a red light yesterday in a BMW. He was yapping on his cell and sipping an enormous Starbucks, which he almost spilled as I stuck my head in his window and screamed, “TRUST FUND!” He was a winner.

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