Coming Up on Monday: Pearl

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Coming on Greg Fitzsimmons Show and Fitzdog Radio this week is Pearl! Check them out on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Be sure to send in your twitter questions for Greg, Pearl Aday, and Scott Ian NOW … just @ reply to @gregfitzshow


April 17 Las Vegas, NV @ Cheyenne Saloon

April 18 Aspen, CO @ Belly Up

April 20 Kansas City, MO  @ Aftershock

April 22 Minneapolis, MN @ The Rock

April 23 Appleton, WI @ Revolution

April 24 Rockford, IL @ Kryptonite Bar

April 26 Chicago, IL @ Double Door

April 28 New York, NY @ The Studio at Webster Hall

April 29th New Jersey @ Brighton Bar

May 1 Kingston, NY  @ The Basement

May 2 Harrisburg, PA @ Dragonfly

May 5 Tulsa, OK @ The Otherside

May 7 Tempe, AZ @ Club House

Greg on Vacation / Writing in Florida

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Greg does the podcast in Florida while attempting to both vacation AND write the book he owes his publisher. He brought his family out to his mom’s place, and has plenty to say about the entire ordeal that has become his trip so far, while talking about the enjoying the holiday and his birthday. He takes the time to play one of the trademark FitzDog games, Rank ‘Em, which he plays by himself.

We’ll be back in the studio doing the LIVE show on Stern 101, as the well as the podcast, next week, be sure to tune in!


How to Deal with Hecklers

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5 point method for handling  hecklers

1. Square off your feet. Take one step towards them, and repeat whatever it is they just said. This will ensure that everyone in the crowd is aware of what is going on and it buys you an extra 5 seconds to size them up.

2. Size them up. Look for any birth defects, ethnic impurities, sexual deviations, like homosexuality or in a perfect world, they are the 3rd or 5th wheel at their table). Like Wild Kingdom, or Keeping Up With The Kardashians, a predator must separate and destroy the weak.

3. Destroy the weak. Kill them with kindness. You have already established that there is a douche bag iin the house, now you have to establish that you as the comedian are a good and decent person. This will enable you to push the heckler towards suicide following the performance. Say something nice about the heckler with as little irony and sarcasm as possible. This will throw him/(drunken) her off balance.

4. Pushing the heckler over the edge. Take the spark of pity that you have created from step 3, and douse it with one gallon barrel high octane comedic cruelty. The table has been set and now it’s time for the heckler to eat a basket of deep-fried shit (which will count as part of his two drink minimum). He will want very badly to walk out the door at this point.

5. Kicking him out the door. Don’t stop. You are not only policing this situation but sending a message to any other potential hecklers in the crowd. Pile on and then pile on a little bit more. And then a lot more. It may feel wrong, but let’s face it, but let’s face it, you are telling dick jokes to drunks in a mini-mall, not lecturing on public safety to a middle school.

The crowd has two choices at this point, the Philadelphia Flyers “Nananana.. hey, hey, hey, hey… good-bye” song or feeling sorry for the heckler and turning on you. The latter is preferred (latter means second, by the way). Now you have license to ejaculate all childhood rage in the faces of these ungrateful laid off factory workers, calling themselves a crowd. I once experienced this an hour and 10 minutes into a set in Minneapolis. I informed the crowd that because of their failure, I would be walking all 300 people from the room. For the next 45 minutes, I assaulted them with AIDS jokes, 911 jokes and Viking jokes, while counting the numbers down as people paid their checks and left. When I hit 200, I congratulated the survivors and did 10 classic minutes from the Fitz of Laughter album, available if you email your receipt for my book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons to Alice at

Greg and Sam Simon

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Greg invites Simpson’s Co-Creator Sam Simon and comedian Leslie “Big Les” Jones to the Fitzdog man cave for this weeks intense podcast. The group agrees on intern Brian’s low sexual potential, they chat about last weekend’s Academy Awards, and Leslie searches for a man to tell her to shut up. Greg describes to Leslie what could have been between them if he weren’t married, they take your twitter questions, and Greg aces his sponsor plugs.


Brian Greg and Leslie

Greg Fills in for Carolla!

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Check out Greg’s podcasting skills at work as he fills in as a guest host for Mr. Adam Carolla on Adam’s podcast

Check it out

Fitzdog Radio – Slight Delay

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Please excuse the delay in today’s episode of Fitzdog Radio, featuring Sam Simon (of Simpsons fame).

The episode should be available shortly,



A "technical difficulties" screengrab from the Simpsons in honor of today's guest

Dive Bars

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Check out Greg’s blog about a recent video to a “famous dive bar

Greg and Rick Overton

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Greg has veteran actor/comedian Rick Overton on this week’s podcast. Greg asks Rick how he manages to get work as an actor despite his baldness, they take all your twitter questions (every single one), Greg admits to loving an attractive pair of feet but denies having a foot fetish, and Rick follows by divulging his vagina fetish.  Greg shows his lazy El Salvadorian maid curling so she can take notes on how to properly sweep his house, Rick predicts how future Olympics will resemble the reality show Survivor with chickens replacing gold medals, and they play everyone’s favorite segment Liar’s Poker.


Greg and Rick

Greg and Rick

Cioffi Before Photo

Cioffi Before Photo

Cioffi After Photo

Cioffi After Photo

Greg on the Road

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Greg brings this podcast to you from the road. He’s taking his family to Tahoe for a weekend of skiing, and cranks this podcast out on the I-5 in his Toyota Highlander why his wife drives.


Video: Greg on the Wanda Sykes Show

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Check out Greg on the Wanda Sykes show!

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