Airplane Jokes

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Flying back from Ohio this past fall I’m standing behind an Old Lady in the security line. As her one carry-on bag disappears into the X-Ray Machine, an alarm goes off and Airport Security jumps into action. You have to watch the old ones; they have less to live for.

Her bag, now unzipped, reveals a furry white cat. The x-ray machine clearly states that it will damage your film, but I guess she thinks it will be fine for the live animal. Then I think, maybe the cat is sick; the old lady can’t afford radiation treatments & now she takes him to the airport a few times a week for a blast.

I’m wearing an Ohio State University sweatshirt. It was given to me after my show the night before, and as I trudge towards my gate a guy walks past me and says, “Go Bucks.” As a non- sports fan I have no idea what he is talking about. Three or four more knuckleheads bark this at me before I snap and say, “What the hell are you talking about?” Turns out The Ohio State Buckeyes are the #1 College Football team in the country at that time. I go from annoyed to kind of happy that I am being associated with champions. It doesn’t bother me that people are only cheering for a garment I am wearing, or that I know absolutely nothing about college football. I am being treated like a winner, and I don’t get that a lot. I start screaming back, “Go Bucks!”

Most things you wear don’t solicit big reactions from people. Nobody walks past a woman with a cross around her neck and says, “Go Christ”. I’ve never seen a girl in a Hooters T-shirt and screamed, “Go Titties!” I spotted a 20-year-old dude sitting at a red light yesterday in a BMW. He was yapping on his cell and sipping an enormous Starbucks, which he almost spilled as I stuck my head in his window and screamed, “TRUST FUND!” He was a winner.

Talk Your Way Out of It with Adam Carolla

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Greg Fitzsimmons tests comedians’ quick wit by putting them through an incredibly awkward, and sometimes disgusting, situation on his show Fitzdog Radio.

Watch as funny man Adam Carolla talks his way out of a ‘ripe’ party situation. Shields up!

Talk Your Way Out of It! with Bill Burr

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Watch how Bill Burr talks his way out of it. Smooth.

Talk Your Way Out of It! with Zach Galifianakis

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Check out the video of Zach Galifianakis trying to talk his way out of it! It’ll make your day.

Talk Your Way Out of It! with David Koechner

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David Koechner turns the tables in this Talk Your Way Out of It! on Fitzdog Radio!

Talk Your Way Out of It with Bill Lawrence

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Master of awkward situations, Greg Fitzsimmons, puts yet another guest to the test with Talk Your way out of it. Will Bill Lawrence, creator of Scrubs and Cougar Town, buckle under the pressure or will he rise to the occasion? Watch and find out!

Talk Your Way Out of It with Christopher Titus

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Watch as comedian Christopher Titus talks his way out of an awkward situation that may or may not end in tears.

Talk Your Way Out of It! with Larry Miller

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Always a gentleman, comedian Larry Miller handles an awkward situation with style and class in this week’s Talk Your Way Out of It.

Talk Your Way Out of It! with Andy Dick

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Watch as Andy Dick uses the cutting edge of science to talk his way out of it!

Matt Besser

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Matt Besser joins Greg to talk about founding the Upright Citizens Brigade, dating Amy Poehler, the violence of acting classes and Greg goes to see Coldplay. Guest appearance from Dree Vermeulen plus overheards.

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